SPOTTED DICKENS

SYNOPSIS:
On New Year’s Eve a cheery and reformed Scrooge comes calling on the Cratchits
unaware that a desperate Mrs. Cratchit is about to go homicidal. (Run time: 12 minutes)

CHARACTERS:

BOB CRATCHIT, a slight, undernourished, broken-spirited man in his late thirties, whose
careworn features and meek manner make him appear prematurely aged.

MRS. CRATCHIT, a robust, matronly, but attractive, woman in her mid-thirties.

EBENEZER SCROOGE, an elegantly dressed gentleman in his fifties.

SAMPLE DIALOGUE:

BOB CRATCHIT (Pours from the bottle into mismatched jelly jars.)
Mr. Scrooge, we are so blessed that you deigned to join us today. Our grateful thoughts
flew to you as we feasted on the bird you sent. (Raises a jar with brandy.) To Mr.
Scrooge, the Founder of the Feast! (Downs most of the glass.)

SCROOGE
And to your happy family! Mr. Cratchit, you may find this surprising, but I thoroughly envy
you. I am just a foolish old man who forever missed his chance of finding a wife such as
yours, a loving woman who is beautiful, clever and thrifty. What a joy it must be for you,
to come home of an evening.

MRS CRATCHIT
But his work requires him to be away such long hours! Even Sundays!

BOB CRATCHIT
Shhh-hh, wife! Behave yourself! (Pours himself another glass of brandy and tosses it
down.)

SCROOGE
Mrs. Cratchit, your word is my command. Henceforth, Robert’s Sundays shall always
be free. (Pauses to consider an idea.) And we shall increase his salary commencing
January first.

BOB CRATCHIT (showing signs of happy intoxication.)
That’s tomorrow!

SCROOGE
What would you say to a small raise, say, to eighty shillings a week, Robert? May I call
you Robert?

BOB CRATCHIT
You may call me anything you wish, Mr. Scrooge.